A list of actual consumer warning labels.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (Gee,
that's the only time I have to work
on my hair!)
On a baby stroller:
Remove child before folding stroller.
On an electric iron:
Do not iron garment while wearing.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details
inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But
it's just a suggestion!)
On a hotel-provided shower cap in
a box:
Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert
(printed on bottom of the box):
Do not turn upside down. (Too
late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body. (duh)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate
machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce
the rate of construction accidents
if we just kept those 5 year
olds off fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children. (Or
pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made
Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in Outer space or underground)
On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm really curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts. (no kidding)
On an American Airlines packet of
nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat
nuts. (sounds simple enough.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals. (What is
this, a home castration kit?)